A Moron Fails Her Attempt to Fly the Friendly Skies

This is just one of those things. It's like the knitting needle in the pinkie toe, or the time I saw my boss' desk chair break into pieces while he was sitting in it. It just happens, and it happens to me. I don't know why. Maybe I am cursed. Maybe I am fortunate. I don't know anymore.

So I get on the plane in Memphis on Sunday night to begin making my trip home. I am sitting three rows from the back, and all buckled in and working on the mitts that would later be the cause of a flesh wound. Anyway, I was feeling quite low because I had just said good bye to the BF, and that's always tough. All of a sudden the overwhelming odor of pot fills the air.

Yeah, pot. Marijuana. Insert lots of clever little names for it here.

I look around (okay fine, whip my head around) and see other people smell it too! There are two kind of punky looking kids (not punk like punk music, punk like what old people call kids that are up to no good) are sitting in the backseat.

Well, the stewardess working the back end of the plane smelled it too.

So she starts questioning the gal, who had just come out of the bathroom. The girl, naturally becomes very indignant and things the lady is CRAZY, because hul-LOOOO?!?! pot on an airplane? No way!

The back and forth continues, and then a very stern looking woman in a polo shirt and mom-jean style khakis comes aboard and says something to the kids. The girl is becoming sort of shrill at this point and says something about how she is going to miss the connecting flight in Atlanta. I am thinking, Honey that is the LEAST of your worries.

Now I look down the aisle (I am facing straight ahead, furiously knitting and trying to appear innocent; even though I have done nothing wrong I feel nervous and guilty for some reason), and there are Men With Badges on the plane! They stand there and look intimidating while Mom Jean Khaki Lady instructs the kids to get their stuff. They comply and off the plane they go.

It gets better.

As we are flying, our awesome stewardess comes around and announces to the back of the plane, "Now that we all have the munchies, who wants a snack?! I know y'all are hungry for some Cheetos and some Lucky charms, but all we have is pretzels. Who needs two bags?!?"

I laughed into my knitting. Hard.

I don't know what ever became of that girl. Or her boyfriend. I think that anything you do that's bad becomes a Very Serious Offense when you are caught doing it on an airplane. Including, well, doing it. Anyway, I am sure that girl will now know that day as The Day She Ruined Her Life, but I can't ever say for sure.

Makes for a great story anyway, though, doesn't it?

My Dog is Famous! (sort of) Part II

Well here it is in it's entirety. My doggie, in all her Supplement-to-Charleston-Magazine-Glory.

The cover:
The article, complete with craptastic pic of me. I take exception with this article, as I don't really feel like what I said was fairly summarized, but I understand. A half page puffy piece about a gal and her dog has no room for the fact that she was not my first choice, and I went home and thought about it over night, thinking that no one else loved her so maybe I could try. It also makes no mention of the fact that the first weeks we had together were trying, bleak, exasperating, pee soaked weeks. But hey, this isn't investigative journalism so yeah, sure, she's great. As the Yarn Harlot says, click to embiggen (i just love that):
Full page photo with a quote that makes me sound bitchy and like I think my dog was better than her classmates. Nice paraphrasing. What I really said was, "Even though she didn't learn as fast as the others, and refuses to do things like lay down, she's just naturally polite and puts her peers to shame in that way.
And finally, Maya in her favorite place (on blankie in crate) with a whopping huge massive pig ear. She ate it all that day. Normally she hangs out on the couch with me, but no way in hell is a slobbery wet pig ear being consumed on my couch. Nope.

Hooray for Sweaters

Here's what $25 (give or take) will get you at the Goodwill!

Yep, that is 10 wool sweaters, just ripe for the felting. i wanted to get them all in one shot, and it wasn't too easy. There are solids, solids with stripes, stripes, that black and white one has flowers and bitchin metal hook hardware thingies, and a BEAUTIFUL fisherman's sweater that I almost- ALMOST- hate to felt and use. But hey, it's well made and has beautiful cabling all over it, and when felted and used (I'm thinking) with that solid blue one- beautiful! And let's not forget that fun beige one. I have big plans for it that came to me as soon as I saw it. It has a snowflake, a reindeer, and two evergreen trees on it, so I think that it is A+ Christmas stocking material.

Don't you love how there are always dead plants in the background of all my pics? I do.

I have felted a few of them now, and they took two cycles in the washer to felt them enough to blur the stitches. The amount of shrinkage still just boggles my mind. Adult sweaters went in, little kid sweaters came out! So much fun. I just hate that they take two cycles in the washer. It makes me feel guilty for using up that water and energy. But I have to, because one of the ideas I have is too much fun to not use these sweaters.

This Post Contains Pics of a Blurry Yet Graphic Nature

These pics are per Nancy's request! Look away if you don't want to see them!

I mean it, there are pics of where I was brutally attacked by a knitting needle just inches below!




Look away!




I am serious; avert your eyes!







Sorry they are so grainy Nancy- I had to take the pics one handed with no flash- it just obscured the gruesomeness.

Behold, the entry wound:
And for your amusement, horror, and entertainment: The Exit Wound



Now is probably the time to mention, so that you don't get all worried about me. I am taking 875mg of Amoxicillin twice daily. I have no nerve damage (or so it would seem). I had a tetanus shot less than 10 years ago. I am soaking it in warm water (promotes circulation and healing, etc.), putting antibiotic cream on it, and keeping it bandaged when I am on my feet, and just generally watching it to be sure it isn't getting infected. Please refrain from regaling me with stories about when your granddad ignored the rusty nail in his foot and it nearly killed him. I know that I seem like I am being silly about it, because I am. It's funny. And really, what are the chances? But I am also taking good care of it and am fully aware of how quickly a puncture wound goes from blog fodder to gangrenous festering ickiness. It's swollen, sore, and bruised, but i can move it, feel every poke and prod and it's easily the cleanest foot in the whole state.

Aren't my crime scene bandaids cool?

It's also worth noting that I am considering myself the Chuck Norris of knitting now. It would totally fit, if only there were villains to stab with the needle after yanking it out of my foot. But no, just went back to work on the mitts, took some pics, watched the debate. All in a day's work.

Knitting = Bloodletting

You will not believe what just happened to me. You won't believe it because it's unfucking believable.

I just had a DPN (that's double pointed needle for you non-knitters) go into my pinkie toe and back out of it.

I am not kidding. You can't write this shit.

Yeah so it has an entry and exit wound. How the hell did that even happen? How could this be? I don't know.

However, I am pleased to report that I have it gauzed and tightly taped, and that is really not bleeding very much. I have cut myself shaving and it bled more. It hurts like a motherfucker, and is throbbing even though I look like a contortionist with my foot way high in the air.

This is just amazing.

I hope it stops bleeding soon, not only for the sake of my foot and the fact that i need blood, but so that i can take pics and show you.

Major Big Huge Very Large Update

Hello again! I am back from my trip, and couldn't be happier to be home. Well, it is always hard to say goodbye to the BF, but it's nice to be back in my bed, and driving my car with my dog in the backseat and my cat at home getting fur all over my bed. I missed those two. So anyway, I thought I would do a speedy little recap since I have been rather absent this week.

First of all, the weekend went well. It was a beautiful wedding and a really fun reception. Meeting someone's ENTIRE family, including in laws and cousins and what not was a bit intimidating, but altogether i am not sorry that I went and I am glad to have faces with names, and also glad that they have that for me.

Today I am off work because they are renovating my office, and making calls and thinking in general are really tough when there is banging, drilling, and drywall coming down all around you. This could not be better since I got home late last night, and got to bed later.

Um, I sold another thing on Etsy. Yay! This further enforces to me that I need to get some more stuff up. BUT! I will also have you know that I made jewelry for the first time in FOREVER this weekend. Two pairs of earrings and a ring. Not earth shattering by any means, but it was definitely fun, and I was glad to see that it was sort of like riding a bike. Perhaps I can persuade myself to finish off a lot of the beads that I already have, instead of selling them for pennies on the dollar. Not a terrible idea, I think.

Wow, that wasn't nearly the exciting update that I thought it would be. Oh well.

My Dog is Famous! (sort of)

Well, it's finally out!

AND LOOK WHO MADE THE COVER!!!!

I am so proud of my little puppy dog. She is unaware of her accomplishment, and instead is focused on the giant pig ear she got just for being pretty.