Hello there!
I am back from my trip to Atlanta for the Birthday Extravaganza. Maya and I had a wonderful long weekend filled with shopping, spa treatments and way too much food. The weather was beautiful, and I love being a spring baby. It's such a great time to celebrate getting older- flowers everywhere, the days are getting longer, and the temperature is just perfect. So yeah, now I am older, but after my facial I could pass for a Girl of Twenty-Five again.
I am also busier than ever because, well, I never truly thought this week would get here. BF is moving here. On Saturday. This Saturday. That's just a few short days away. He's coming here and he is not leaving. Time has simultaneously stood still and moved at warp speed these past two months. When I think about how long it's been since we've seen each other, it feels like time is absolutely standing still and he will NEVER get here. When I think of this as the last time that's truly mine and mine alone, it flies by.
I'm working diligently at making a space for him here. Well, spaces- plural. I want for him to feel like this Slightly-Too-Small-Apartment is his too. Because it is. But at the same time there is a part of me that mourns the other side of the closet, the second shelf in the bathroom, and the way I was able to do here as I pleased without concession or apology. I've always enjoyed my solitude, and for the majority of my Adult Life, I've lived alone. I have called all the shots, left dishes in the sink when I wanted, projects in various stages of completion...everywhere, and occupied every inch of space in my home because it was mine, and no one else's.
Don't get me wrong. I look forward to having BF here. I like saying things like "our house," and I like knowing that I will share the bed (as best as I can), and having someone here who can talk is also sort of enticing. I don't regret the choice to have him move here- it feels very very right. I guess this is just one of those times where leaving something behind is surprisingly hard, given how very badly you want what's in front of you.
I don't know. This is all so very hard to articulate. I haven't had this happen to me before. I was going to say maybe right before high school graduation, but I remember climbing the walls of my high school for the last oh, say, 6 months before graduation so that's not it. College, maybe? Not really- I was a bit sad to leave behind the right to be poor and sleep till 2pm on a Tuesday, but still it's not quite the same.
In just four days, it all changes. Is there such a thing as being ready?
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4 comments:
Saturday! Wow.
I am very happy for you and BF. I think you'll get some wonderful experience living with someone, sharing your space and generally losing most of your privacy. Haha, just kidding. Well, not really...but...I wish you much luck!
I'm actually quite excited for you! You're taking the next step, it's a wonderful thing! Hugs!
OH! And Happy Birthday!!!!
There is such a thing as being ready, depending how you look at it. You are ready in the sense you have made your home open to him . . . closet space, drawers etc.
But to be ready to live with
someone . . . I am not sure you can make yourself ready.
You know the old question will you be better off with him or without him? Definitely with him.
hey, happy, happy birthday! glad you had a great time!
i was an only child who never had to share a room and had my own bathroom from the age of 12. sure, it was tough getting used to having to share every bit of space. but it's worth it--it really is. and here's what i learned when my husband retired: it makes all the difference in the world if you both have some space--even a tiny little corner with a box and a folding chair--that's yours alone: no one else touches anything in it or moves stuff or even BREATHES hard there. that one little bit of private space can make all the difference in really being able to enjoy the sharing of all the rest.
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