The Gentle Fart of Domesticity

I'd like to tell you a story. Gather round, children.

It's barely lunch, and there is already a story to tell. This morning started way too early. BF is on a business trip, and so he thought that I too might like to get up at 8:15am to chit chat. As this was a horrible error in judgement, I was too aggravated to go back to sleep at 8:30 when he finally let me off the phone with promises of blueberry pancakes once he moves here. Anyway, I got up, watched some tv, hung out with the dog, and decided that I should go get an uber coffee drink at Starbucks, and maybe wander around Barnes & Noble. Whoever thought to team the two up is an Evil Genius.

So I get my coffee and I wind up purchasing two books with the money I earned (but have not received yet) by cleaning a newly vacated apartment owned by some clients at work. Aren't I clever? I was going to blow it all on yarn, but these books called to me. I bought Weekend Sewing by Heather Ross. It's splendid. It's not intimidating, has cute projects, all easily (or so it would seem) completed and all were things that I totally wanted to make. Love. I looked at sooooo many books that I had my eye on because of the blogosphere hype of them all, and they sort of left me feeling kind of meh. But this one, oh this one had me wanting to run home and sew all sorts of things. I like that- I think that's the mark of a good, no, great book. There's a difference is a book that's nice to look at and makes me say "oh, that's a nice...thing" and one that makes me say "I LOVE that, that, that, and that and I need them in my life and feel inspired to make it so." That's how I feel about Heather Ross' book. It's neato.

Then. Oh, then I found a book I have coveted from afar but never actually held in my grubby little hands. It's The Gentle Art of Domesticity. It's beautiful. What little I have read has been sweet, thoughtful, accompanied by gorgeous photos, and just generally enthralls me. I had already planned to leave it out on the coffee table with my other Coffee Table Books (Spirit Dancer and Bitter With Baggage Seeks Same- what can I say, I am a varied and complex young lady.) So I pull up at the house with visions of cleaning a little, opening the doors and windows, planting some foxglove seeds, perhaps a little NPR, and practicing the art of domesticity, ever so gently.

Then I walked in the house and smelled shit.

Yup, Someone could not stand the thought of me having fun without her and shit her pants. Er, crate. Then i let her out of her crate, to discover that she stepped on turds with her back feet. They made these sort of Turd Hooves that thankfully didn't get on the carpet (mostly) while I chased her around the apartment. By the time I caught her she was so frazzled, I had to carry her to the bathroom. Now at this point, i will say that there is an upside to the fact that I frequently have to wash her own bodily...whatEVERS off her. That is that this dog delights in baths and has perfected her own Gentle Art of taking them. She waits for her collar to come off. Once it does, she hops in the tub on her own. She stays at the back end of it waiting for the water to be the right temp before walking into it (the tub drains sort of slowly. I bet there's two dogs worth of fur down there.) and then she stands very still while you lather her up, except for maybe giving you a kiss or eleven while you are on eye level. that's about the point where it's useless staying mad at her. So then when it's rinsing time, she puts her front paws up on the edge of the tub, so that you can make sure you get all the soap off her, please and thank you. Then she steps back down and lifts one leg at a time so that you can rinse those as well. Turn off the water and she will shake off once, hop out of the tub (more slowly and carefully than hopping in- wouldn't want to slip, now would we.) and waits to be towel dried. Again, with the Show Pony style leg lifting. She gives one thank you kiss, and then heads out to resume laying on the couch. How this civilized little doggie still insists on crapping herself, I will never know.

So yeah, this sort of sums up my life, and the constant fuckery that accompanies my attempts at crafty goodness and a lovely surrounding. I have the grandest intentions of perhaps ogling my hostas (still not over the wonder that is a plant that dies and then just decides to come back without a seance or anything. Amazing.), cleaning, working on the great kitchen makeover, knitting a few more rows of the second sock, and reading my books over and over and over again. But does that happen? Nope, not till the dog's Turd Hooves are removed, and the remaining little shit nuggets in her crate are ever-so carefully removed, the surrounding area cleaned, the room aired out, and disinfectant sprayed. Hey, we share a bedroom, Maya and I. i don't want Eau de Dookie in my room. Aromatherapy, it is not. Actually, I have started having a Pavlovian response to it almost and my blood begins to boil immediately upon smelling it. So yeah- cute tunics, vegan muffins, neatly stored balls of yarn, the quiet and thoughtful feathering of one's nest- not happening here at the Stupid house. Nope, but the gentle art of poop cleaning is in full fucking swing today, friends!

Oh and in the way of Confessional Sunday, unless you count books (which I do NOT; books are our friends and they are always allowed to be purchased and loved- AWAYS!) I am guilt free this week, and last week. I am also sadly Finished Object free, but hey- see above.

This Week In Sewing

Told ya I was sewing.

These are nothing to shout about, but they are made from materials on hand, useful, pretty, and appeal to the tiny part of me that thinks she's the Queen of England. they are reversible, so they feel good and think and heavy in your lap. And, during these times that feel like we are all on the Hades Express, all in this little hand basket bound for hell, it's nice to start your day with a pretty napkin, and a pretty place mat, and feel that there is still some sense of order and joy in simplicity to be had.

I'm still working on the place mats, although they should be done any time now. They are more time consuming than I thought they would be, but hey, what isn't?

Confessional Sunday #3- Already Absolved!

For this confession in the Use Me Up Challenge, I am absolved, because I was utter Don't-Buy-That Perfection!

Funny how not spending money for (OMG NOOOO!) One Whole Week is such a source of pride for me. Kind of says a lot about the Consumerist Mentality that we (okay I) have.

Also, I am catching up in fits and starts here, so I promise not to be so absent hopefully. Actually I can't promise that. But I will be thinking of you while enjoying this amazingly wonderful spring weather. I can't promise that either, actually. Who are you again?

Confessional Sunday #2- I Am But A Slave to Pretty Things

I fell off the wagon. Hard.

I could give you the reasons leading up to it, tell you about the Woe To Me-ness that I felt prior to my fall from non-shopping grace. I could tell you why it's my duty as an American citizen to buy what I don't need (I think "need" is a relative term when used in conjunction with any sort of art of craft supply, but that's just me.) in the hopes of stimulating the economy, or perhaps I could tell you to shut up and go away and stop judging me. But I won't.

I fell off the wagon and it felt so good. If it's wrong, I don't want to be right. Which is a good thing, because it was totally wrong. And here's what it is:

6 skeins of sock yarn
Like 5 different sized sets of DPNs because they were on sale. and also because I needed them. I really did, I promise. Again with the relativity of the word "need."

I also bought what equates to something like 4 yards of fabric. Now this was totally not all my fault. It might be a Fat Quarter Pack, and maybe I was feeling really inspired since Fat Quarter Month ended over at Sew, Mama, Sew! and I really felt like a small re-do of my kitchen would be lots of fun for spring. And it will be, I know it.

Then there was the ball winder. I am not sure it counts at all, since it's not really a supply, just sort of a...thing. What was I supposed to do? Stupid Joanns and their stupid 40% off coupons. Enablers, that's what they are. I needed it for my sock yarn and I am sort of sorry, but mostly just excited.

Oopsie.

Looky At What I Made!

Wow, this took a lot of time and effort (really only in the choosing of sweaters and the cutting of peices)! But it was Monday's installment of the Use Me Up Challenge. And oh, how do I love it.

So, I finished my knitting needle case, made entirely of recycled sweaters. Like I said, this came from the book Warm Fuzzies by Betz White. Okay, so here's the outside, all rolled up:
Here's the backside, all spread out. I love the pattern, and I am so glad I used this sweater, and left the shoulder shaping, collar, and bottom ribbing intact. It kind of shows more obviously what this case was in a former life, and I really like that.
Okay, now here it is opened, with various assorted things stuck in it, but the flap closed. Clever, huh? In the pic you can also see about half of my sewing table. It is clearly a hot mess, which I believe is a sign of my productivity. Back to the case. Anyhow, it was tricky sewing on those larger pockets. well, the only really hairy bit was the part where I was shoving three felted wool sweaters through the machine at once. I am happy to say my machine took it like a champ. The pattern calls for wool blend craft felt for that part but in keeping with the challenge, I just went for it. Not so bad.
Now here's a bit bigger picture with the flap lifted up. You may notice the crooked seams, and you may also notice that the green pocket is on a serious slant. I am very proud of myself, because my reaction to this makes me think that I am turning a corner here- I love it because of that stuff. It's sort of cartoonish, almost Seussian. I think that's pretty fun. I mean it's a stripey felted wool knitting needle case. For it to take itself too seriously, and try to be all perfect with straight lines and such- booooo-ring. I mean if you can sew straight lines, more power to you, but until I can (and if my drawing skills are a sign of things to come, this will never happen) I will just have to embrace and enjoy the delightful and semi-intentional wonkiness that is my finished projects. I'm beginning to thing of it as my personal style.

So, now all I have to do is go on a really long trip where I will need to knit like 6 different projects so I can use it! Can I come stay with you guys?

Confessional Sunday!

What did I buy this week that I should confess? NOTHING! Yay!

I need to get to sewing, but I am just POOPED. Today I walked the biggest bridge in the area, and that was fun, but quite the effort. It's a very steep incline and all these strange muscles I have not used in quite a while were crying out for mercy.

Then I did something very unlike me and went to the Wildlife Expo that was in town. It was a chilly day, but a few girls bundled up (Viva La Handknits!) and headed down to the river to watch the retreiver trials, the Boykin Spaniel demonstrations (which showed to me just how willful and disobedient my dog can be) and just wandered around to look. There were tons of food vendors, and i abstained from the fried gator, although i LOVE it. I couldn't resist the hot kettle corn though. I am full to the brim of it and I am not sorry.

Then there was my favorite thing- the Dock Diving Competitions! They had events like speed retreiving, big air, and distance, and I loved it. We wound up front row on the back side of the pool they had set up, and got to watch the dogs getting ready to take their jumps. It was too funny. When one would hit the platform all the others would howl, quiver, and whine- I guess they were rotten with jealousy that it was not their turn to take a jump. It was too cute. Some of the other labs and such that were there watching began to sing and howl too- they wanted to play too! Anyway, here's their event calendar and you should really go see them if they are in your area.

One thing that I love about my town is how dog-friendly it is. There is quite possibly the world's most wonderful dog park here, and there are lots of events throughout the year where dogs get to go and see and be seen just like their people. Their were TONS of dogs there in all shapes and sizes. I hope mine can get to the point where she can go out for a day like that. Maybe one day.

I hope you all had a weekend as fantastic as mine.

This Week In The Use Me Up Challenge

Well, i thought I would show you what I've been up to this week when I'm not obessessing over the state of Maya's crate and her anxiety and what not. One thing that has been surprising me this week is what all I have just sitting here waiting to be made into something. It says to me that this challenge is long overdue. It also is sort of scary in the amount of times I have been able to say to myself, "SEE! I KNEW there was a reason I kept this!"

Here's what I did on Monday. These little pillows are actually place mats that I bought for 50 cents each at the Habitat for Humanity thrift store. I bought them a while back, but just never did anything with them till now. And look at how well they go with the chair! I'm glad I started this challenge, because these things have been on my to-do list forever, like since I bought these.


This isn't anything too special, but I sure am enjoying it. Since I bought the dried lavender for this little eye pillow a while ago, I was finally able to get around to spending the 10 minutes that this took. I think it took me longer to choose the fabric. It's just a little pouch full of dried lavender and (uncooked) rice and it stays in the freezer. I take it out when my eyes feel tired and the hint of lavender is awesome. As a matter of fact, I used it last night while laying on the couch after my walk with the dog, and woke up 9 hours later with it laying on my chest. That's a pretty powerful eye pillow. Tuesday's effort:
On Wednesday I knitted. I worked on the scarf I showed you last week. Someone, make it stop. I'm tired of it. I just want to be done with it. but it just goes on and on and on and on and on an- you get it.

This is what I worked on Thursday AND Friday. And I am still only to the point of having the fabric cut and pinned. It is a knitting needle case from the book Warm Fuzzies and I think it's awfully clever. It took a while to choose all the peices, figure out where I wanted them, and cut them to as close to Just Right as I could get. I swear, cutting fabric is my favorite part of sewing, but I will be damned if I can cut a straight line, or actually cut the measurement I mean to cut. I use a ruler, a tape measure, a fabric soluble marker, a rotary cutter, and god knows what else, and I still cant seem to get it right. I swear, I thought i was going to have to call in NASA to cut some fucking sweaters. Nonetheless it's all ready to sew. I hope that my sewing machine is prepared to cope with sewing through three layers of felt. I hope that I am ready for it. Sewing on stretchy fabrics is still sort of tricky for me.

And here's today's effort. It's a little pouch made from the sleeve of the sweater that is the outside of the needle case. The back is the big band you see above with all the orange stripes. I thought it would be good to toss in the knitting bag too and hold all the little things that HAVE to come along with you when you take a knitting or stitching project somewhere. The fun thing of all this knitting accessorization is that both of these things match the bag that has just been designated my knitting bag. Amazing, huh? It's a wool camel colored tote with orange lining, and I love it. It was my Designated Carry On for a while, but now i have a bag I like better for that. I think that no matter how hard I try to quit them, bags just find a way into my life. I have loved them since I was a little girl, and I guess I just always will. I try to fight it once in a while and donate a box or two (!!!) of them, but if five leave the house, seven more show up in their place. It's maddening.


You know, I will tell you something else that is sort of amazing about this Use Me Up Challenge: my office and particularly sewing table are cleaner than ever now. Every day after I am done in here with what I am working on, I set a (imaginary) timer for 15 minutes and pick up. Huh. who would have thought- it doesn't even take 15 minutes to pick up after a small sewing project, so I just keep cleaning for the rest of the time. And then, when I come back the next day, I just grab my materials and get to work. Huh. Is this how other people make stuff? Is this how they actually find time to make things, cleaning up and getting ready for the next go round? If so, this Picking Up After Yourself and the people that do it are Visionaries. I'd like to meet such a person, that is, if they are even real.

Operation Anxiety, Day 11 (I think)

I am very pleased to be making the report that I have for this, (I think) Day 11 of Operation Anxiety.

It's like there's a different dog here, sort of like a Dog Pod Person. Pod Maya.

Pod Maya hasn't peed in her crate in about a week. Today she even earned back one of her blankies, and did not tinkle on it.

Pod Maya is much less, um, frantic. She is still a bit jumpy and shy, but if a person walks by us then she looks at them, tries to figure out what they are up to and what their intentions might be, and then goes back to whatever she was smelling. Old Maya would have seen a person, tried to bolt the other way, and then settled for crawling on her belly toward home.

I used to dread our walks. I don't dread them anymore. It's actually the best part of the morning for me now. It's so nice and quiet by the pond, and she's very happy to walk around it for as long as I will let her. There's no scrambling for a hiding place or sitting down and trembling anymore.

The change in this dog is more than I could hope for on Day 11. It's like all the wonderful qualities in her, all the traits you could barely see that made me want to give her a home, all those great things about her are no longer covered up by fear and apprehension and the sweet and gentle little dog I know is out there for everyone to see. I can't wait to get her in another social situation to see what she does. It always sort of made me sad to see her sitting in the corner, because you could tell she just couldn't bring herself to join in even though she very much would like to.

I should also clarify something. I was very excited about the Use Me Up Challenge, and so I may have not said what I meant to say in the right way. I will not be using tin cans as birth control, or putting my birth control in the recycle bin. Oh god no! What I should have said was that I am looking at all the every day stuff that you just sort of Have Around, and thinking of how I can embellish it, re-purpose it, or make it a cute little cover or case out of my fabric scraps. It's pretty cool, having your brain woken up in that way. Especially when you have been Sewing Machine-a-Phobic for a while. I was always afraid to do something for fear of messing it up, or use fabric I really like because what I use it for may turn out to not be The Perfect Thing. Silly, I know. Once I decided to play this little game I just finally woke up and said, "Oh wait, it's just fabric, not the Hope Diamond." So I am already thinking more adventurously and that is fun.

The Use Me Up Challenge

Okay so, the Challenge has an official name. I really thought that Ricë was right in that the name should have the word fuck in it. But I think that the only substitute for The F Word is a bit of Bill Withers. I was listening to Live at Carnegie Hall today and the idea came to me in my favorite way- when I was thinking about Nothing At All. Well that's a lie, I was singing my heart out and dancing from the waist up (I was in the car). But still.

For a quick word on Bill Withers, I will say that if I were only allowed to listen to 5 cd's for the rest of my life, Live At Carnegie Hall would be one of them. It's one of those albums that EVERYONE likes, and everyone can find at least one song they love. I love all of them, but Use Me is one of my favorite.



So yeah, that's the name. I made stuff last night, and I will make some more tonight. I will tell you one thing that I hoped would happen, didn't know if it would happen, and am happy that it has happened: I am Seeing Things Differently. Now everything I look at I give a second or third look to see if it might be something I could use with something else to make something altogether different. And that is awesome. Who knew that one day into a challenge I would be raiding the recycle bin for tin cans and pausing and considering my birth control?

I should just stop now.